Posted By Leekhay on February 16, 2012
It is important for all step parents to know that they must proceed with caution in their new role as a step parent in their new family. Often times these children will be adjusting to having lost their parent in a divorce which can be hard to take. This will be a challenge for many new stepparents who find it difficult to blend into this new family.
The main criteria in establishing the interaction between your step-kids and you will be determined by how old they are. A very young child will more easily adapt to you as their ?parent? than an older child. It would be a good idea to talk to other stepparents and learn some of the challenges they have faced before you embark on step-parenthood. If your step-kids are older, you will most likely become their friend rather than a parent. The prime parenting duties of older children, in particular teen-agers, will remain with the original parent and the new stepparent will be more of support to the original parent. Of course, the particular dynamics in each family are a little different, but the age of the children has a lot to do with how your role as a step parent will develop.
As a rule, being a stepparent will require a lot of patience on your part. It takes a while for a stepchild to accept a new parent figure into their life; so don?t look for immediate rapport with the child. In many cases, whether one of the parents has died or there was a divorce, the child will be missing that parent and may even resent you for trying to take his or her place. A lot of new stepparents try too hard to get accepted by their stepchild. It?s important to be consistent, but equally important not to force yourself on the child. The best thing you can do is to just be available to the child and assure him or her that you respect their feelings for their biological parent. This will alleviate any fears they might have and allow them to relax and open up to you in their own time.
Do not fret over whether or not you will ever develop a relationship with the step children as your main focus ought to be on the man or woman that you love. That?s why you should be willing to play a secondary role in the lives of the children, especially in the beginning. Over time, of course, it?s likely that you?ll get closer to the children and, depending on how old they are, may even take on the role of parent. Most of the time, it is best to do whatever you can to help your partner in basic decisions related to family matters. Keep in mind that you are not the only person that is in a new situation; your new spouse and her children must also adjust to you being in their lives.
If you and your new spouse begin your married life without any pre-existing children, you will still face many difficulties. Beginning your new marriage with stepchildren will make it that much more challenging. Today, as about half of all marriages end in divorce, and people are more likely to start new relationships later in life, the role of step parent is becoming ever more common. Flexibility and patience are the keys to successfully functioning in a new family environment. Learning how to bond with step-kids is one of the most important skill sets to learn.
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Source: http://www.siedem.twoj-internet.com/2012/02/16/essential-guidelines-for-raising-step-children-4/
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